Firstly you must understand that you will probably not have a lot of luck on these sites. Why? Read on and I’ll tell you all of what I’ve learnt. Also, there are less and less women on these sites, even compared to a year ago …..

To start, most of the sites I’ve used and detail on this post, are horrible places. They’re either sleazy, dodgy, full of fake profiles (or prostitutes selling their wares) or a combination of all of those. However, while bloody difficult, if you’re just looking for a hook up AND can get noticed, then some success can be had. Here’s how I’ve got on, as well as which sites to focus on and which to avoid like the plague.

Obviously my experiences are from the male side of the fence. If you have anything to add or from another angle, I’d love to hear from you. I get some indication of what it’s like for women on these sites and I have a good grasp on what they are and are not looking for. So read on to improve your chances – MOST of the guys on these sites are idiots, so you will already have an advantage by reading this post, as you will be doing things very differently to them!

Adult Cafe

(This real life “review” is also valid for the following sites, as they share the profiles – Marital Affairs, Shagbook, My Elite Affair, Fun Buddy, Granny Hunt ….. and many more that come under the same umbrella …..)

This is one site I have tried over the last few years. It is one of MANY, MANY sites that share the same women’s profiles under VERY, VERY different banners. There are perhaps hundreds by now – I haven’t found them all yet.

For example, you will find the same women’s profiles on such diverse sites as Marital Affairs, Shagbook, My Fun Buddy, Granny Hunt, etc. They are not even filtered to fit the niche – you will see all the women’s profiles on all these sites. This comes as quite a shock to some of the women, who think they have joined Marital Affair only to discover they are on Shagbook! So, on one front the business model for this site is very dodgy.

There does appear to be a less adult version of the model, that is used by many different sites again, for those seeking something a little less casual! I’ll cover those sites on another post soon.

Now obviously, most men do not realise this ‘model’ either. This has a number of negative effects.

  1. The first and biggest issue is that the number of men on these sites VASTLY outnumber the quantity of women. I couldn’t even begin to hazard a guess but wouldn’t be surprised if the ratio was 100:1 or more. I’ve heard of women reporting getting 1000 messages in the first 24 hours of joining one of these sites!
  2. Women who have, for example, joined Marital Affair, get messages from guys who have joined Shagbook! The woman is hoping to be wooed by a gentleman with a view to starting a mutually enjoyable affair. The guy is wanting to get his rocks off as soon as possible. Result – conflict, misunderstandings, frustration, rejection and anger.
  3. Men get hugely exasperated at never getting any replies and resort to sending horrible messages to women. This results in a generally unpleasant atmosphere.
  4. The sites bring out extreme fickleness in both men and women. It’s basically a catalogue and it’s quite likely, a woman (or a man) will have their head turned by something they prefer the look of – that’s life! We are all liable to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, so to speak.

However, I have had a number of hookups from the sites. I was until recently, seeing a couple of women I met on this site a couple of years ago – both married. And before you get on your high horse and accuse me of being a player, they know about each other! They understand I’m not going to just have ‘fun’ once a month – be their one and only (when I am obviously not). They are not looking to change their marital situation but are happy to have an occasional bit of excitement in their lives. I would say they have both become my friends as well as lovers – that is, it’s not all about the sex! In fact, I’d say the sex is better because of our connection away from the bedroom.

To get to this stage you will need a lot of patience, the ability to hold your nerve, to accept you will likely be suddenly ignored by a woman you have been chatting to for perhaps weeks, and to not take offence at rejection. You need a thick skin. I’m in the process of writing an article about dealing with rejection – hopefully it will help you deal better with it and not let your ego get too badly bruised – keep an eye out for it shortly.

Now, onto my tips for success:

  • First and foremost, be aware of which site you have joined and that the woman may have joined a VERY different one. See if you can find out which one they joined and use that to angle your approach.
  • Be honest with yourself and be realistic – what are your chances of pulling that hot blonde, when you’re not perhaps, err, in the best shape? That is, look in the mirror. However, I will add, it’s NOT all about the looks – personality does go a long way – so be a normal, nice guy, not a dick!
  • Women VERY rarely send the first message. If you receive a message it is most likely auto-generated by the site to make you think a woman is interested in you and to get you to pay to join, as that is the only way you can reply. Or it will be a scammer trying to get you to sign up somewhere else. If you receive such a message, first check to see if that woman had viewed your profile. If not, the message is not from them, it’s an auto-generated one, so ignore it.
  • There is no point in winking – the women get thousands of these and ignore them!
  • When you do message (which you have to pay to be able to do) don’t just say hi. But, also, don’t send an essay as you may just receive an automatic rejection message as the recipient had set age and/or distance filters. Just a couple of sentences, personalised to the woman, maybe from something you’ve read on their profile – 95% of men just do a ‘hi’ or an obvious ‘cut and paste’ message. So you already stand out and are making an effort.
  • The vast majority of women are not interested in seeing you with your shirt off or in seeing your crown jewels, however proud you are of them. Those that do want to see such things are likely to be so inundated with messages from horny guys, you will not even get noticed unless you are exactly what they are looking for.
  • They do not want to see you posing next to your flash car, in action man mode, holding a fish you just caught or worse still, posing next to an animal you just killed! Seriously guys, women like confident guys not overly macho ones.
  • Be a gentleman – that makes you stand out from at least 95% of all the other guys, who are led by their dicks.
  • Don’t go straight into the sex talk – that is NOT the way into a gals knickers! Don’t say anything, initially at least, that you wouldn’t say to the lady if she was sitting opposite to you in a coffee shop.
  • From my experience, the overtly sexual women’s profiles and/or those with naked pics, are likely to be inundated with messages and most likely to suddenly ignore you! Equally, blank profiles indicate those just window shopping or just attention seeking. Some MAY be just being discreet but on the whole they are not worth bothering with unless something they say on their profile particularly catches our attention.
  • Yes, there are fake profiles on these sites but they are not created by the site owners to get you to join, whatever you may read elsewhere. By fake profiles, I mean those sort of ones that will message you with an email address straight away (women DO NOT give out such details in a first message). If you email them you will just get a auto message asking you to go to this or that site to sign up and “verify” you are real. Whatever you do, DO NOT verify yourself – they are crooks and con artists, after your credit card details, or are simply trying to get you to sign up to another dodgy site. Adult Cafe (and connected sites) are actually quite good at deleting these fake profiles, if you report them. I sometimes have a little fun and get the scammers to think I’m a prospective muppet. At least if they’re working on me they’re not targeting someone perhaps less savvy or more gullible. Then, when I’m bored I get their profiles deleted! Simple pleasures!

So, in summary, be patient, be a gentleman and be a bit savvy and you MAY get lucky on these sites – I have been.


The following are those I have either had little or no luck with or that I know are basically a complete con. Some even admit to creating and operating fake profiles to lure the unsuspecting on signing up and paying to be tricked. One has the cheek to call these fakes “hosts” as if they are there to help – ha!

Some of them may even no longer exist!



Adult Friend Finder




Ashley Madison (hosts profiles) – read my full review here

Those I’ve yet to try – which would you like me to investigate?

Illicit Encounters – bloody expensive but I’m gonna be giving it a month or two shortly, so watch out for my report. I’m hopeful of having quite a bit of success on there. Now tried Illicit encounters – read my full review here.